Tuesday, September 15, 2015

Dark Summer

Directed by: Paul Solet

Written by: Mike Le

Year Released: 2015

Sub Genre: Ghost / Supernatural

Cast: Keir Gilchrist, Stella maeve, Maestro Harrell


A 17 year old kid is placed under house arrest after being convicted of cyber stalking and hacking into social media accounts owned by a local girl. This prompts him to lose all access to social media up to and including complete loss of the Internet.

After convincing his friends to bury a router in his neighbors yard, he logs online only to find the girl who he has been stalking, sends him a skype request and kills herself in the video.

Soon thereafter, he starts seeing things  happen around the house that start to drive him mad.

It's a very slow film that doesn't fully explain itself very well. The mother of this 17 year old is absent throughout the entire film, even when the police officer is present at the start of the film to place the ankle bracelet. I'm pretty sure some sort of question should have been asked on the officers part.

They had the officer claim that the kids computer was taken away and that his I.P. address had been tagged. He never realized that the kid had a smart phone with him? Something he can easily use to access the outside world via phone call, text messaging and any form of communication through the Internet which is easily accessible over a freaking smart phone.

Another gripe I've had with this was the fact that they constantly called him a hacker. The guy had a damn set of papers with words he could possibly use as a password when attempting to get into someones account. That's not hacking, that's just being annoyingly persistent.

Most of the effect were lame with the exception of the underwater pool kill which looked pretty excellent.

The fact that this guy is being attacked and haunted is perfectly fine with me. The jerk's  incessant attempts at getting into this girls different social media accounts says to me that he deserves ever last bit of it right till the end.

They close with an "Ironic joke scene" which reaches back to the beginning of the film which was pointless and killed what decent ending they did have in place. 

Conclusion:

Maybe use this as background noise or if you're incredibly bored. You may want to use this however as an introduction movie to the genre for someone who's typically too scared to watch a horror film or has been too young to watch them previously.



2 out of 10

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Monday, September 14, 2015

Cold In July

Directed by: Jim Mickle

Written by: Nick Damici

Year Released: 2014

Sub Genre: Thriller / Murder

Cast: Michael C. Hall, Sam Sheppard, Don Johnson

During a home robbery,  a father and husband shoots and kills an intruder, who, unbeknownst to him was unarmed.

Shortly thereafter, the father of the intruder comes to town to seek revenge. He stalks the family in order to terrorize them but is quickly apprehended by police.

But after a few days of being able to rest, the father finds out the man he killed is someone completely different than who the police have identified him as leading him to unravel a highly corrupt sheriff's office.

I was feeling in the mood for some Micheal C. Hall and thankfully Netflix delivered with this nice little IFC flick.

Hall delivers a very realistic performance of a man faced with a terrifying situation and hits the roll right on the nose as he always does without error. If you don't believe me, watch a few episodes of six feet under followed by a few episodes of Dexter and try to tell me otherwise.

Most of the remaining cast were very strong in their performances which made this viewing that much more pleasurable.

With that being said, the story line took an exciting turn but unfortunately turned predictable and rushed  by the end of the film.

It's feels like a mix of Walking Tall meets Walker, Texas Ranger with a dash of Dexter to garner people's attention. There is some comedy and the acting is far superior to a lot of what IFC may offer but it sadly falls flat by the end.

The biggest problem I had was that this small town family man who happened to have killed one person by accident instantly turns into some kind of bad ass for about two minutes and then reverts back to a useless tit. It's honestly upsetting and, once again, really aid's in the demise of greatness it had initially started with.

Conclusion:

I would suggest this only for the first 3/4 of the movie as the remainder is predictable and better left to the imagination. And only because of that first 3/4 of the film.

5 out of 10.



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Thursday, September 10, 2015

Wrong Turn 6: Last Resort

Directed by: Valeri Milev

Written by: Frank H. Woodward

Year Released: 2014

Sub Genre: Slasher / Incest / Just An All Around Bad Film

Cast: Anthony Ilott, Chris Jarvis, Aqueela Zoll, Saddie Katz


AKA: Hopefully the last film in the franchise. A movie so poorly liked, that's when you check out the synopsis on IMDB it only states "Danny and his friends go to Hobs Springs."

Don't believe me? Please, go take a look at it. I'll wait right here.

WTF right? So let me try to shine a little bit of light on this entry into the Wrong Turn franchise.

After learning that he is the only living heir, Danny inherits a resort from his deceased family.

He takes his friends up for the weekend in order to check the place out but is shocked to find out that his friends are being hunted down and that the killers may be close to him than he ever expected.

This has to be the funnest intro I've gotten to write about in this series. Now, it's time to get down to business and bow our heads in shame for even having watched this non sense!

So let's start off with the normal complaints just to get them out of the way.

Like in the two previous entries in the series, all the freaks are alive and well so we are once again aware that they are going to live.

The special effects were pretty bad, but I have seen worse in the franchise. They actually seemed to try and avoid using computer imagery which I can give a plus to them in my books for this one.

The masks used by the inbreeds however? Worse make up effects yet. No mouth movement at all and nothing but muffled sounds when Three Fingers is yelling at his brothers about something. Of course the moment he turns around, they add in his laugh which is clear as day and does not match his voice levels or muffles at all.

Now, the story could have been decent had they actually had a real story line and not just a bad idea to go on. Everything in this script was just horrifyingly bad from start to finish, especially the disgusting excuse for a finish.

The actors were mildly entertaining at best but one of them stuck out like a sore thumb.

Saddie Katz character looked like she was on drugs through half the film and the other half, she looked normal. Now I don't want to be the guy who is specifically bitching about anybody in the industry but Christ, either get some sleep or lay off the crack pipe!

Conclusion:

The last three films in this series have no reason to exist next to someone trying to make a quick buck off the name of the series alone.

And thanks to a lawsuit, this franchise may never see the light of day again until it gets rebooted or re-imagined or re whatever the hell they do. (Info is on IMDB and Wikipedia)

Do not bother with this movie. Avoid it if you can as it has nothing to do with the franchise.

0.5 out of 10



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Wednesday, September 9, 2015

Wrong Turn 5: Bloodlines

Directed by: Declan O'Brien

Written by: Declan O'Brien

Year Released: 2012

Sub Genre: Slasher 

Cast: Doug Bradley, Camilla Arfwedson, Simon Ginty


A group of kids venture out to the Mountain Man Festival for the biggest party of the year on Halloween night.

They end up being at the wrong place at the wrong time when a group of cannibals start to target them in order to help save a friend in need.

Great news everybody! We found a sequel that is rated higher than it's predecessor! Bad news is that the movie is only getting a higher rating because Doug Bradley was one of the leads in the film and he acts his freaking ass off in it!

Now, they weren't specific but I'm assuming that this was a follow up to the prequel that was part 4.

These three killer are once again together and once again, I get pissed off because I know that none of these Inbreeds are getting killed off and we have to sit through another insufferable piece of crap. So thank god the legend himself, Doug Bradley decided to join the cast of this non sense, otherwise I don't think I could have even finished the film.

The story was ridiculous, the acting from everyone, but Bradley, was piss poor, the special effects were laughable and abundantly ridiculous, the kills were boring and the ending make no sense.

Conclusion:

I could continue to complain about this film but why even bother. Watch a compilation of Doug Bradley's performance on Youtube and that should be enough!

1.5 out of 10


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Tuesday, September 8, 2015

Wrong Turn 4: Bloody Beginnings

Directed by: Declan O'Brien

Written by: Declan O'Brien

Year Released: 2011

Sub Genre: Road Trip / Vacation / Slasher

Cast: Jennifer Pudavick, Tenika Davis, Kaitlyn Leeb


A group of friends set off for an adventure in the great outdoors in the middle of winter. Everyone gets on snow machines and start heading towards their destination but are stopped by in their tracks by a hectic storm.

The gang, unable to bare the weather, find an abandoned building along the way and decide to set up camp for the night.

Unfortunately for them, what lurks in the shadows of the old sanitarium may be too much for them to handle.

My first thought coming into this film was "Shit! There are only three In-Bred's and they all happen to be the same ones as in the first movie!".

Of course this already gives away the big secret that this sequel has to offer. No freaks are going to be getting killed off in this film and all those attempting survival, will in fact, be pegged off one by one till there are no longer and survivors.

Now, without any hope of a happy ending, I was forced to hope for some amazing, original and preferably gore filled kill scenes.

This was also taken away from me as they took the easiest route they could to kill everyone off.

There were way too many repetitive deaths, mainly the amount of beheading's which were performed.

The special effects were pretty good compared to some of the crap this series had to offer up in the past but they still couldn't put a decent budget into the make up for the villains making them look yet again, worse than they did in the prior film.

This was basically used as an origin story that was not necessary as the first film explained perfectly what they are and why they kill.

Conclusion:

Hot garbage is what I'm going to go with on this film. Avoid at any costs of you can as it's once again unnecessary to the series.

1 out of 10



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Monday, September 7, 2015

Wrong Turn 3: Left for Dead

Directed by: Declan O'Brien

Written by: Connor James Delaney

Year Released: 2009

Sub Genre: Stranded In The Woods / Slasher

Cast: Tom Frederic, Janet Montgomery, Gil Kolirin, Christian Contreras


A prison bus taking a back road in order to transport a high priority convict is attacked and thrown off the road.

The convict, thinking the attack was done by his team to spring him, is suddenly surprised to find that the bus was attacked for dinner and not for his freedom.

I read the premise, I thought it was an excellent idea and of course they just ruined it completely.

I was expecting a lot of advantage changes between the good guys and the bad guys but the criminals had the advantage 95% of the time.

Another sub plot in the story had to do with the group finding a burned out cash truck in the middle of the woods. Of course they would find a burned out vehicle in where the cash was totally unharmed and nobody went looking for.

This just adds greed to the equation and makes for a very annoying back and forth between all the criminals vying for a piece of the pie. They could have easily done without this and it would have turned out to be a much better movie.

And of course, with the advances in CGI technology, studios have to take advantage of paying more money for worse looking effects. This is displayed in a pendulum style kill that removes half the face of one of the characters. The resulting CGI looks like a frame by frame Photoshop picture that actually moves around and looks god awful. This is also displayed in a kill scene at the beginning of the film where a guy gets cut in three equal pieces, resulting in a CGI misting of blood which just disappears into thin air.

The acting was sub par on all parts and some of the criminals were highly annoying and whiny. I did not want anybody to survive next to the final girl.

Conclusion:

This rendition of wrong turn was horrible but yet again the worse is yet to come. They ended it properly but really did not sell the idea to me of several armed criminals being attacked by a single hick. And with the crappy CGI where they could have used practical effects really took me out of the film.

3 out of 10




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Sunday, September 6, 2015

Wrong Turn 2: Dead End

Directed by: Joe Lynch

Written by: Turi Meyer and Al Septien

Year Released: 2007

Sub Genre: Stranded in the Woods / Slasher / Reality game Show

Cast: Erica Leerhsen, Henry Rollins, Texas Battle, Aleksa Palladino

A new game show is coming to town! Ultimate Survival is a reality game show where teams of competitors try to make their way through a make shift apocalypse. The only problem? Not even the apocalypse can come close to competing with a family of In-Breed cannibals.

Now, let's start with what this movie opens with. Some bitch of a has been celebrity runs over one of our cannibalistic friend's. She get's out to check on him and sure enough, she get's attacked.

Yes, I know this looks like your typical horror movie intro but I can assure you, they messed this one up royally. One of the inbred's takes an axe and chop's this actress right in half and all have and behold, guts hit the floor but no more than maybe a cup's worth of blood! They even drag the two body pieces away, open side rubbing on the pavement and still barely leaving a smear mark.

Most of the kills were fairly conventional with the exception of the aforementioned celebrity kill and of course the finale kill. Because you've always got to save the best for last, no matter how bad the movie has gotten.

The acting was pretty atrocious at times with the exception of the lead army vet, but it was not so bad that I became bored.

The prosthesis and make up for our friendly hillbilly creatures were still pretty good but you could tell that it looked a tad bit less realistic than in it's original showing but all in all was able to make the creatures look real yet again.

I really had a higher expectation for this film just based on the reality television in the bush angle as it seemed much more intelligent and entertaining than a certain rapper in a certain Halloween film. You all know what horrible waste of a film I am speaking of!

Conclusion:

Once again, I hate to point to the future while describing this film but it still beats the hell out it's sequels. But the worse part being that this is still a fairly awful movie which just goes to show you what you may expect from the upcoming entries.I can only rate this by the kills and the use of effects and the acting of one individual because everything else was just not working together.

4 out of 10



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