Wrong Turn 6: Last Resort

Directed by: Valeri Milev

Written by: Frank H. Woodward

Year Released: 2014

Sub Genre: Slasher / Incest / Just An All Around Bad Film

Cast: Anthony Ilott, Chris Jarvis, Aqueela Zoll, Saddie Katz

AKA: Hopefully the last film in the franchise. A movie so poorly liked, that's when you check out the synopsis on IMDB it only states "Danny and his friends go to Hobs Springs."

Don't believe me? Please, go take a look at it. I'll wait right here.

WTF right? So let me try to shine a little bit of light on this entry into the Wrong Turn franchise.

After learning that he is the only living heir, Danny inherits a resort from his deceased family.

He takes his friends up for the weekend in order to check the place out but is shocked to find out that his friends are being hunted down and that the killers may be close to him than he ever expected.

This has to be the funnest intro I've gotten to write about in this series. Now, it's time to get down to business and bow our heads in shame for even having watched this non sense!

So let's start off with the normal complaints just to get them out of the way.

Like in the two previous entries in the series, all the freaks are alive and well so we are once again aware that they are going to live.

The special effects were pretty bad, but I have seen worse in the franchise. They actually seemed to try and avoid using computer imagery which I can give a plus to them in my books for this one.

The masks used by the inbreeds however? Worse make up effects yet. No mouth movement at all and nothing but muffled sounds when Three Fingers is yelling at his brothers about something. Of course the moment he turns around, they add in his laugh which is clear as day and does not match his voice levels or muffles at all.

Now, the story could have been decent had they actually had a real story line and not just a bad idea to go on. Everything in this script was just horrifyingly bad from start to finish, especially the disgusting excuse for a finish.

The actors were mildly entertaining at best but one of them stuck out like a sore thumb.

Saddie Katz character looked like she was on drugs through half the film and the other half, she looked normal. Now I don't want to be the guy who is specifically bitching about anybody in the industry but Christ, either get some sleep or lay off the crack pipe!

Conclusion:

The last three films in this series have no reason to exist next to someone trying to make a quick buck off the name of the series alone.

And thanks to a lawsuit, this franchise may never see the light of day again until it gets rebooted or re-imagined or re whatever the hell they do. (Info is on IMDB and Wikipedia)

Do not bother with this movie. Avoid it if you can as it has nothing to do with the franchise.

0.5 out of 10

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Wrong Turn 5: Bloodlines

Directed by: Declan O'Brien

Written by: Declan O'Brien

Year Released: 2012

Sub Genre: Slasher 

Cast: Doug Bradley, Camilla Arfwedson, Simon Ginty

A group of kids venture out to the Mountain Man Festival for the biggest party of the year on Halloween night.

They end up being at the wrong place at the wrong time when a group of cannibals start to target them in order to help save a friend in need.

Great news everybody! We found a sequel that is rated higher than it's predecessor! Bad news is that the movie is only getting a higher rating because Doug Bradley was one of the leads in the film and he acts his freaking ass off in it!

Now, they weren't specific but I'm assuming that this was a follow up to the prequel that was part 4.

These three killer are once again together and once again, I get pissed off because I know that none of these Inbreeds are getting killed off and we have to sit through another insufferable piece of crap. So thank god the legend himself, Doug Bradley decided to join the cast of this non sense, otherwise I don't think I could have even finished the film.

The story was ridiculous, the acting from everyone, but Bradley, was piss poor, the special effects were laughable and abundantly ridiculous, the kills were boring and the ending make no sense.

Conclusion:

I could continue to complain about this film but why even bother. Watch a compilation of Doug Bradley's performance on Youtube and that should be enough!

1.5 out of 10

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Finders Keepers (2014)

Following a divorce, a woman and her daughter make the move to a new city where they purchase a house with a history. Inside the vents of the home, the little girl finds a doll that was once owned by one of the previous tenants which she becomes quickly and violently attached too.

Directed by Alexander Yellen. Written by Peter Sullivan and starring Jaime Pressly, Kylie Rogers and a brief appearance by Tobin Bell.

Now, first thing I have to make mention too is the fact that the two lead actors in the film are found near the bottom of the call sheet on IMDB and the lead spot going to one Steve Austin who acts as a garbage man for about twelve seconds in the film. Seriously?

A ridiculous excuse for a movie, made for television or otherwise. The acting was incredibly poor by all counts and this includes Tobin Bell who was doing a fair job considering how much camera time he actual had and then came his death scene. Just a purely laughable performance when he fell over and died.

Jaime Pressly who I personally believe cannot act to begin with is overbearingly bad. Half the time her accent is fully present and then all of a sudden it disappears making this even harder to watch.

And don't get me started on the little girl. It was basically watching a typical kid lose their mind over not being able to get a cookie. There was nothing evil about it next to the fact that she murdered my ears. I don't want to be too harsh on her as she is young and just learning how to do these things, but come on, the director couldn't take an extra 5 minutes to try to make those scenes a little bit more realistic? I would have even taken a voice over in post in this case!

The story line seems like it's trying to be far more complicated than it actually is and tried to accomplish this by filling the story with plot holes.

This has been one of those films that I would not ever suggest to anybody. It is a waste of time and not worth even considering. Typically the Netflix ratings are wrong but I have to come close to agreeing with them on this one. 1 out of 10!

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